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Nothing Here Is Ideal

There's a lot going on in my life but it's going ok
I care for my disabled father and receive no pay
I travel all around the country with my fighting robots
And my girlfriend lives an hour away but she is so hot
And the job at the hospital keeps my state protected
Cause the music career didn't go quite as I expected
But I can do it all if I keep it carefully structured
Well sometimes the mind is willing but the brain stem capillaries are ruptured

So here's how it all unravelled
My leg went numb and the numbness travelled
Til my whole right side was in juxtaposition
With the left side, which was in ok condition
I visited A&E, only logical
Because I feared this could be neurological
The doctor told me that migraine
Would be the explanation for my pain
So I went back home and rested
But for days the numb feeling persisted
Now I'm doing something that's not in my planner
I'm inside an MRI scanner
And it was so nice cause when they sent me in
They told me not to do anything
But I kept thinking while I was in it
Of their words "welcome to the stroke clinic"
And after, I spoke to the consultant
And cavernoma diagnosis was resultant
And I should be back to normal in half a year
But every word she said was hard to hear
Because I didn't think that you could lose your sense of touch
So it's safe to say that I don't really feel that much but

I feel like
Nothing here is ideal, like
Nothing here seems real
It's a lot for a single lifetime
Especially when it's all on one small timeline
I feel like nothing here is ideal
And how am I meant to heal
When the days contain an endless cycle
Of nightmares I can't even try to appeal

My world is shrinking
That is what I have been thinking recently
Not just because walking causes pain
But there are more restrictions on my domain
I'm no longer my dad's carer
Since they said I can't be a weight bearer
So we accessed funding to hire some
But that whole process has been tiresome
In other counties, carers get £18 and that would be chill
But we've been allocated £12 an hour of skills
So we got morons, people who don't listen
Who don't know their way round the kitchen
Who attempt unsafe moving and handling
Resulting in us calling an ambulance
Who leave the house to make 30 minute phone calls
Many times a day and admit no fault
Some speak English, some are less able
One stuck chewing gum under our table
But by far the worst care practitioner
Is the narcissist who just wants a captive listener
That is when she’s not wearing earphones
To block out my dad’s voice so he’s all alone
She gives my dogs food even when we said “no more”
I can hear her stupid shrill voice through a closed door
Making one dimensional comments about women
And how the Russian way is how people should be living
She thinks gays on TV are indoctrination
To destabilise Christian nations
And children should follow their parents’ philosophy
And fails to see her massive hypocrisy
Any other workplace she’d be long gone
But my dad said “ignore it and there’s no problem”
So I rolled to my girlfriend's for a week to get away
And since I came back I stay in my room all day
And I recommended we say “contract's over”
But my dad just called me racist against people from Moldova

So the stroke clinic said I could be discharged
Even though I can't walk for more than 200 yards
They said I was recovered far as they're concerned
And a call to the GP is where more can be learned
GP told me neurosurgery is where I should try
But they won't talk until November - right now it's July
And physio ended and although they tried
To write a prognosis letter, they aren't qualified
So I'm still waiting on that letter
And it's been 8 months and I don't feel better

I feel like nothing here is ideal
Like nothing here seems real
Will it get better if I ask politely?
It’s worth a try but the answer is likely to be
No x17

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